Auntie Aggie

Broadcast by Listen with Mother under “Auntie Aggie and the Greedy Coat. Broadcast and repeated by BBC Radio Scotland’s Nickety Nackety programme. 

Auntie Aggie’s New Lawnmower 

by Dorrith M Sim 

Submitted by Mrs Dorrith M Sim, 5 The Crescent, Prestwick, Ayrshire. KAS TAP 

Uncle Joe was cutting the grass and he was quite fed up. 

“My poor feet,” he complained to Auntie Aggie. “All this walking up and down the garden. It’s just terrible for my corns. And that old lawnmower is so hard to push. And my bunions are sore too!” 

“Tomorrow,” Uncle Joe continued rather mysteriously, “I shall go to the market and bring home a special grass eating machine that does not need pushing. Then I shall never have to cut the grass again!” 

Auntie Aggie was busy making lunch next day and she had just put a large jam tart at the window to cool, when she heard Uncle Joe’s van. 

“Goodness gracious!” said Auntie Aggie looking out of the window. “There’s a great white goat getting out of the van. so that was the “machine” Uncle Joe was buying to eat his grass!” 

The goat certainly looked hungry. “This is William,” said Uncle Joe. “William will eat the grass for us.” 

They left the goat in the garden and went in to have their lunch. 

“I’ll go and get your jam tart now, Joe,” said Auntie Aggie going into the kitchen. 

There was a scream from Auntie Aggie. 

There stood the goat 

with its head through the kitchen window. He was wearing Auntie Aggie’s jam tart on his head and his beard and face were quite covered in jam. 

“You naughty, naughty goat!” said Auntie Aggie. She fetched a large soapy sponge, but oh dear, William started eating it before Auntie Aggie could even wash him properly, and he got all covered in bubbles from the soapy water. 

Auntie Aggie remembered that she had some jelly in the frig. She put the bowl down at the other window and went to whip up some cream to go with the jelly. She heard a noise. – “CH NO!” There was william with his head through the other window eating the jelly. She rushed to rescue it and the 

goat put his nose right into her cream. 

Auntie Aggie was getting quite mad. “Joe,” she called, “for goodness sake get this goat to eat GRASS. I thought that was what you bought it for.” 

Poor Uncle Joe. He went out to the garden. “You are here to eat GRASS, William!” he told the goat. “Keep your nose out of our kitchen.” 

Half an hour later Auntie Aggie went out to bring in her washing. “OH NO!” she shrieked. William had eaten half the washing. Auntie Aggie’s stockings had no feet in them, Uncle 

Joe’s vest was in shreds and as for the tablecloth – it was 

dangling out of William’s mouth! 

Then something even worse happened. William butted poor Auntie Aggie right into her washing basket! 

That’s just the limit, Joe,” said Auntie Aggie. “Tomorrow you can take William back to the market and sell him to a farmer. I don’t want a grass eating goat that eats dinners and washings and pushes me into my washing basket. Give me a good old-fashioned lawnmower any old time. 

Next day William went back to the market with uncle Joe. He was still chewing. He had got into the vegetable garden and was enjoying one of Uncle Joe’s lettuces!  

Auntie Aggie was making lunch when she heard Uncle Joe’s van coming back. She ran out to see if Uncle Joe had brought a new lawnmower

But can you guess what came out of the van? 

“Come and meet my new grass eating donkey, Aggie,” said Uncle Joe. “It’s name is Jemima.” 

Poor Auntie Aggie. I hope Jemima doesn’t like jam tarts and jelly and especially washing! 

Uncle Joe does hate walking up and down with a lawin mower, 

doesn’t he? 

Submitted by Mrs Dorrith M Sim, 5 The Crescent, Prestwick. 

560 wds